When moving to California, it may all seem like fun and sun. For the most part, it is. However, there are a few key pieces of information that you may be unaware of.
First, if you have a job, you will have to resign. While this is contradictory to the radical cost of living out here, your main purpose now will become washing beach towels.
Wash, dry, fold, repeat.
Going to the beach is fun. Often, we'll be there on a lazy Saturday afternoon and say to each other, "I feel like we're on vacation. This can't be real." But, then, you'll start to get brave and buy a canopy. Buying said canopy will involve going to a dozen different stores to find the one you want because most are sold out. Kids will remain in the car, growing restless and impatient for fun. You will stay in the car with the kids while your husband roams every sporting goods store in a 10 mile radius to find the perfect one.
Once you find it (or settle on the only freaking one available), you will look
like a complete idiot less than intelligent trying to set it up.
Sand is everywhere. Everywhere, people. While on vacation, this might seem charming and out-of-the-ordinary. Eventually, you'll be holding down a 3 year old to retrieve sand from parts of her ear you didn't think possible. It won't be so charming then.
Frank the Tank will surely make an appearance. Playing on the beach is hard work.
Your daughter will insist on bringing the most idiotic items to the beach. Her bebe will be napping at home, prior to departure, and because she cannot wake her to put her in her bed, she will bring her to the beach. With her pram stroller to keep her comfortable. People around you will think this is odd.
If you're like me, you will have an uncanny knack for setting up behind women with perfect California beach bodies. Consistently. While you will get used to this, you will tire of your husband and whichever male guest is present (I'm talking to you, Doug) admiring their finer qualities.
Oh, but wait. What is that there running down the coast like something out of Baywatch? Cute lifeguards in training. There is a God. And, he is a fair God.
Your kids will grow so comfortable in the sand, that after a long day of play, they'll eventually pass out. Tourists will think this is the time to go. Nah. Got to see the sunset!
L.A. traffic. While I don't see much of it, Blake does.
California raised children will gawk and stare and scream when thunder or lightning appears. This will make you question your move and will confirm that this is, indeed, the land of fruit and nuts.
While trying to lose weight and compete (or, hell, just not stand out) amongst the previously mentioned bikini girls, you will be tempted by a taco stand on EVERY DAMN CORNER in sight. Note: Fish tacos, while they may seem healthy, are not.
Wine is cheap here. This can be good and bad.
So, to conclude, California is a fabulous place to live. But, it's not without its challenges.
Have I forgotten anything?
Oh, one more. Your house will soon become a home-away-from-home for friends near and far. Thus, more towels.....more sand......more wine......more beach.......more tacos......more of everything.
Come visit us soon, peeps.
Our door is always open.