Thursday, April 21, 2011

A Few Things To Consider Before Moving To The West Coast

When moving to California, it may all seem like fun and sun.  For the most part, it is.  However, there are a few key pieces of information that you may be unaware of.

First, if you have a job, you will have to resign.  While this is contradictory to the radical cost of living out here, your main purpose now will become washing beach towels. 

Wash, dry, fold, repeat.

Going to the beach is fun.  Often, we'll be there on a lazy Saturday afternoon and say to each other, "I feel like we're on vacation.  This can't be real."  But, then, you'll start to get brave and buy a canopy.  Buying said canopy will involve going to a dozen different stores to find the one you want because most are sold out.  Kids will remain in the car, growing restless and impatient for fun.  You will stay in the car with the kids while your husband roams every sporting goods store in a 10 mile radius to find the perfect one.

Once you find it (or settle on the only freaking one available), you will look like a complete idiot less than intelligent trying to set it up.

Sand is everywhere.  Everywhere, people.  While on vacation, this might seem charming and out-of-the-ordinary.  Eventually, you'll be holding down a 3 year old to retrieve sand from parts of her ear you didn't think possible.  It won't be so charming then.

Frank the Tank will surely make an appearance.  Playing on the beach is hard work.

Your daughter will insist on bringing the most idiotic items to the beach.  Her bebe will be napping at home, prior to departure, and because she cannot wake her to put her in her bed, she will bring her to the beach.  With her pram stroller to keep her comfortable.  People around you will think this is odd.

If you're like me, you will have an uncanny knack for setting up behind women with perfect California beach bodies.  Consistently.  While you will get used to this, you will tire of your husband and whichever male guest is present (I'm talking to you, Doug) admiring their finer qualities.

Oh, but wait.  What is that there running down the coast like something out of Baywatch?  Cute lifeguards in training.  There is a God.  And, he is a fair God. 

Your kids will grow so comfortable in the sand, that after a long day of play, they'll eventually pass out.  Tourists will think this is the time to go.  Nah.  Got to see the sunset!

L.A. traffic.  While I don't see much of it, Blake does.

California raised children will gawk and stare and scream when thunder or lightning appears.  This will make you question your move and will confirm that this is, indeed, the land of fruit and nuts.

While trying to lose weight and compete (or, hell, just not stand out) amongst the previously mentioned bikini girls, you will be tempted by a taco stand on EVERY DAMN CORNER in sight.  Note:  Fish tacos, while they may seem healthy, are not.

Wine is cheap here.  This can be good and bad. 

So, to conclude, California is a fabulous place to live.  But, it's not without its challenges.

Have I forgotten anything?

Oh, one more.  Your house will soon become a home-away-from-home for friends near and far.  Thus,  more towels.....more sand......more wine......more beach.......more tacos......more of everything.

More fun! 

Come visit us soon, peeps. 

Our door is always open.


Dee Stephens said... time I'm out there we are so looking you guys up. One of my best friends lives in Cardiff by the Sea.

donatelli98 said...

Love it Casey!! The sand alone would driv eme nuts and I am from Florida!

Brittny said...

Love it! Here are my thoughts....

1. Beach towels, when you move to the beach you think you can never have too many. Until it's time to wash them and it takes FOREVER!!!

2. Never bought the canopy, but we didn't go to the beach much when we moved here. Because of...

3. SAND EVERYWHERE!!! Not sure if it bothered the kids while in diapers, but I thought it would feel miserable. Plus they couldn't really do anything and it was hot and humid and sweaty here. This year though, loving it! (and of course we have to move away now that we love it!) Oh, and baby powder does wonders for getting that sticky sand off! Not sure why, but we keep it in the car for that exact reason. LIFESAVER!!!!

4. I love that Lainey takes random things to beach. But I'm not there to help her carry it. If I was there, I'd make her carry it herself. I'm the mean mommy that says, "If you bring something random, you better keep up with it, because I'm not!"

5. Do the guys notice how nasty the hair is that is "flowing" down their backs? Gross. And they have a wedgy. Or they shop in the toddler section.

6. Thank God for young hot men. And that I don't have to deal with them anymore. Actually, I was never one of those girls that had to, but my friends did. I was jealous. Until I saw those hot men tossing them aside and moving onto the next prey. But they are still hot none-the-less.

7. Do people look differently at a passed out child on the beach than a passed out drunk on the beach? It's all the same, right?

8. Glad I don't have to deal with traffic either. Poor Blake!!!

9. The rest, I will have to come out there and try myself before I can comment.

I'll let you know when I book my tickets. : )

Impulsive Addict said...

Ok...seriously? You are on a permanent vacation! Your life is a freaking vacation! It's just not fair.

Hey...that was my ass. I don't remember being on a beach recently...

Did you take all of those pictures? The lightening and the plane? Those were gorg!

I hate your face right this minute. I'll get over it. I always do.

Claire Kiefer said...

Yes, it's so true about wine. It's cheaper and it's better and therefore I want it more and more and more. Ay yay yay. Unfortunately I don't have quite the same beach dilemmas you do, cause as gorgeous as the beaches are up here, they sure as hell aren't warm. :)

Darcy said...

since moving here two years ago, i swear, i've seen more people than i did when i lived in their same town!!!!!!
and that pic of the fams setting up the canopy? ugh, that is sooooooooooooo our family. i always pretend like i have something else to do when they start setting it i'm REALLY busy laying down beach towels hahahah

Allyson and Dave said...

The sand drives me nuts and we are an hour from the beach. I make Dave shake out all the beach towels in the driveway before bringing them into the laundry room.

Kelley Loredo said...

I am cracking-up! Love this! Ainsley and Lainey would be best buds - I am sure of it! We just dumped-out the sandbox bc I couldn't take it anymore. They pour it on the floor inside and sleep with it in their beds like we are on vacation - and we're in PLANO! ick! Carl cracks up that I read my ex-boyfriend's wife's blog. I have to remind him that you were my crazy friend first - and that I have known you since before puberty - lol. Wish we lived closer so we could play. just might have to come visit some day;) Love to the weirdos.

Jodee said...

I love, love, love how you embrace your permanent vacation life! Although I would love the weather and beach, I couldn't handle the traffic for a second! I had a major anxiety attack the last time I was there! I would never leave the house! HA HA!

Vincent Family said...

Love the Old School reference. CRACKED! ME! UP!

And I appreciate the pro/con list but I think it still sounds pretty fun.

starnes family said...

No, not all of these photos are mine. I wish I had that talent (and camera)!

IA - sorry. Should have asked to post the pic of your booty.

Brittny - really? You think the men see their hair?

Darcy - towels! I like your style.

merrilee said...

This post is awesome, and so true! The hot bodies in bikinis.....everywhere! I just returned from Maui, and let me tell ya that they have nothin' on the California bodies--darn! Crazy set up on the beach....Darin and I have had many not-so-delightful moments while hauling all our sh-- down to the beach. It is serious work. Lainey is the most precious beach goer EVA!

The Lenzers said...

first of all-stop taking pictures of my ass!!!! your life is a vacation, but the sand would get old...maybe. did you take that storm picture? I like the picture of the rolled up beach towels. when can i come back???

Amanda Baxter said...

ohhh I can't wait!! I LOVE fish tacos! Do you know the baby powder trick for removing sand? We spent a lot of time at the beach last summer and it came in so handy.
I think we are going to rent the house in Carlsbad. Your FB post about grilling out in the backyard and the kids playing in the pool is what did it for me. I want a backyard and pool for the summer and a true San Diego experience! I think this house will give us that.

timmonstimes said...

I want a beach vacation (minus a big ole pregnant belly). I dream of family photos on the beach:) I'm so jealous you live there!!!

Happy EASTER!!!

SASS said...

Uhhhh I'm pretty sure if your biggest challenges are beach towels, traffic, and cheap wine you're okay. Biatch.
Love the sandy side of Laine's face in her stroller picture. I like how you use the word idiotic for what she insists on bringing to the beach.
I want to come visit again! We need to catch up- weirdo hermit needs her Case!

FROGGITY! said...

casey!! it all sounds good to me. except the sand... notsomuch...i am dreading this aspect of our move. i almost didn't want to go to the beach during our trip b/c of the sand...

the cheap wine though... no complaint about that! :)

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