Monday, December 13, 2010

Question Of The Week



Gift Giving Protocol.

I was just discussing it with friends this morning.

Two girls told me they sent me birthday gifts. Nearly a month later, I haven't received anything.

Do I.....

***Tell the friends I didn't receive anything?

***Leave it alone?

I hate the thought of someone purchasing a gift and it not shipping. They might not know.

Turns out, one girl hasn't shipped the gift (Sara!!!!!!!) and the other bought it from Etsy and it never shipped (totally innocent Coco). So, in one case, I am glad I asked. In the other, I wish I hadn't. Sara seems to be all consumed with this barfing-all-day due-to-morning-sickness-issue and can't make it out the door to ship. So selfish, right? I know both of these girls well enough to ask anything, so this wasn't a big deal. But, what about other people?

Reverse the situation now. You buy someone a gift and never hear anything.

Do you......

***Ask the recipient if they received it?

***Leave it alone?

I put a lot of thought into gifts and often spend good money on them. It frustrates me to wonder if my recipient has received them. I know our society has a complete lack of etiquette regarding gifts these days. And, I, too, have been guilty of forgetting a thank-you note here and there.

I googled the subject and specifically in regards to Emily Post, but couldn't find answers.

Help!

17 comments:

Allyson and Dave said...

If it is someone sending a gift to me I leave it alone until they bring it up. Unless it is a close friend or family member.

I hate to send gifts and then never hear anything. It is not that I want a thank you but more that I want to know the gift arrived. I shipped an expensive, big box of holiday gifts to a certain family memeber last year and still have no idea if she got it. She had me send it to her work. When all was said and done I had spent over $100 total. And it is totally like her to not say anything if she did get it.

starnes family said...

I asked a family member in regards to the same situation.....a big box of Christmas goodies for her first baby boy......and she said she never received it and that her neighborhood had been experiencing theft from their doorsteps.

Totally not her fault!

Makes me want to insure every package and do delivery confirmation, too!

BrownEyedGirlsMom said...

I am a huge pusher of thank you notes - I write them, my kids write and I even make Mr. ESPN write them. So if you don't get a thank you note from me and sent me something then in all likelihood I didn't get it. I think you have to bring it up somehow - like oh did you like what I sent, I wasn't sure if you already had it? Makes me so mad when people don't acknowledge receiving something from me because I put a lot of time and effort into it. A quick e-mail is sufficient.

Merry Mack said...

Last year, a friend sent me a card and it said 'go shoe shopping', which to me implied a GC but there wasn't one. This is usually what she sends for my bday. I never said anything. I think you bring up good points on why you should ask or would want to be asked. Why don't we write thank cards more.? How do thank you fit in our new digital world? I thought everyone wrote thank yous. I was brought up that way, but my husband was not brought up to do and he doesn't do it. It's confusing.

Dee Stephens said...

I'm all about thank yous. Totally rude not to. I don't send my youngest niece gifts anymore because for 2 years I sent her gifts for bday and Christmas and never even got a phone call....ever....in 2 years.
No thanks.
I don't feel guilty about it either.
Rude..Rude..Rude
As for asking. Yes, I have asked people. Did you get our package? I too put a lot of effort into gift giving.

Lauren W said...

Ask! I always feel weird when I send someone a gift and then they don't say anything. I have dropped gifts off before for baby or wedding showers and never heard anything. It's like the first poster said, I don't care about a thank you note- I just want to make sure they got the gift.

If I sent someone something, and they never got it, I would absolutely want to know about it.

Sara said...

Okay, I'm totally getting called out here. I admit it...I'm a SLACKER! But, I'm glad you asked about it because there are so many times when things get lost in the mail or stolen or whatever.

I always acknowledge with a thank you note though. Always!! Even if someone tells me not to send them a thank you note (ahem..Casey).

I'll let you know when I actually MAIL off this package. I'm hoping to get it out this week....if I can stop puking long enough to go to the post office. :)

If the shoe FITZ said...

I try to send thank yous. I do about 90% of the time. But I'll never forget that I didn't send you a thank you note for the frame you got me for my wedding. I think I remembered about 2 years later that I didn't send one. But then LY I think you sent L something for Christmas and you asked about it and we didn't get it, right? Can't remember.

Real Housewives of Oklahoma said...

I ALWAYS send thank you notes for gifts received especially if they were shipped to me. Otherwise, they will never know if I received it or not unless I tell them, right?

So it pisses me right off when I ship a gift and I hear nothing. I let some time pass, and you better believe your little skinny ass that I end up asking them if they received it or not HOPING to make them feel guilty for never saying anything!

Their mommas should be totally ashamed.

With ♥
Your fav stalker,
Impulsive Addict

AKA Mrs. COCO

starnes family said...

Sara - I was just kidding! And, I think if you're close enough and discuss said gifts via email or on the phone, the lack of thank-you note is excused. I often tell people not to send them to me, as I did with Sara.

Fitz - I don't even remember your not sending me a thank you for the frame. And, it wasn't last year......it was the year before.......when I lived in Colorado. I sent you a box of gifts pre-Bill and you never received them.

Shannon said...

I'd definitely ask. I should be hearing from you soon! :)

The Soladay Family said...

If it's a close friend, I would probably ask. I don't know. I would feel weird though. On another note, if someone sends you something and they never call or anything, they're cut off. Completely. Rude.

The Lenzers said...

I hate it when you don't at least get a text thankyou....just so you know the damn thing made it to them. I just recieved a generic pre-printed thank you card for a wedding we drove 2 hours to attend. Was it for going or did they actually reiceve the gift I shipped online?

Dawn said...

Good questions!

I think you should ask. Maybe they'll learn to send a thank you card next time. =)

Claire Kiefer said...

I get confused about this too. Hard to say (unless it's a super close friend and then it's never awkward to ask!). I'm more inclined to ask these days since a friend recently never received a package I sent! So frustrating and sad. And shipping is inevitable when you live far away from family/friends. Let me know if you stumble upon any particularly wise answers . . .

timmonstimes said...

Tough question...I think if you are close enough for them to tell you they sent you something, then you should definitely let them know. They probably know you well enough that if you received it you would thank them!!!

Coco said...

You didn't hesitate to tell me and Sara that you didn't receive your bday gifts from us.

Obviously you don't have a problem with it.